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"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." Matthew 5:14-15

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." Matthew 13:45-46

Friday, July 25, 2008

How to Love and Support Your Husband

As women we desire for our husbands to be there when we go through difficulties. We want them to listen to us and not solve the problem, but to know that they care about what we are experiencing. These thoughts have been on my heart this past month and I just felt that I needed to share.

I have mentioned in previous blogs that my husband has been under tremendous stress at work, so much so that we are considering other options. It has been a very difficult time for my dear man and through it all I am learning how to better love and support my husband. Love is a different thing for him, and is for most men. It is not the same for women. The love that speaks to men is actually respect. Studies have shown that men could live without love, but not without respect.

Here are some lessons I have discovered along the way of how you can support your husband, whether he is in the midst of a difficult situation, or he just needs to know how much you appreciate him.

Be a good listener.

With the amount of stress and tension my husband has been experiencing at work, he needs me to be a sounding board for him. That has meant often changing my schedule around so that I am more available to listen to him. He doesn't expect me to solve the problem for him, because I definitely can't. I have heard that men think about the section (drawer) that they have open in their brain. I know that once he talks through things he is able to close that drawer and not dwell on it anymore until he opens it again. As women, that is harder to do. But I have been choosing to talk through things when he needs it, and not continue to bring it up, because that only puts more burden and stress on him. Most times after he shares his difficulties, we take time to pray together.

Be a prayer warrior.

I can't even begin to tell you the amount of hours that I have been in prayer for my husband throughout the days this past month. We both know that our strength can only come through Christ. We need His wisdom and strength for each situation we face each day. I pray constantly as I go about my day.

Don't make too many demands.

Okay, we really shouldn't make any demands. This one has been a little harder for me. I have had a goal to get the house completely cleaned up, sorted, dejunked this summer while our boys are away serving at camp. It is a prime opportunity for me to work while they are gone. Now I am down to a little over a week left to finish up all of my projects. A lot of the things left on the list are things that require my husband's input as well. I struggle with knowing what I can ask him to help with and which I should just let go for now. I know he is under tremendous stress throughout the day and I do not want to put any more on him when he gets home. I still am praying for the balance in this area.

Touch him.

One of my husband's love languages is physical touch. This is not an area that I usually exceed at, but I am working on it. I know that just simple touches like rubbing his arm, scratching his back or playing with his hair speaks volumes of love to him and I really am trying to work on doing those things for him.

Support him no matter what.

This is an area that requires letting go and trusting God. It means letting my husband know that I love, support, respect him in all the decisions that he makes and I trust him to lead our household and to make the best decisions for all of us. Even if it means stepping out in faith, jumping off that ladder and having faith that God will catch us.

Help him in the areas where he is weak.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Recognize the areas where your spouse is weak and do what you can to come along side him and provide that support and encouragement that he needs. Be willing to go beyond yourself to reach out to him.

Respect him.

I mentioned before how much respect speaks to a man. Do whatever you can to let your husband know that you respect him and the decisions that he makes. He won't always make the right choices, but then again, neither do we.

Be his cheerleader.

If he is considering branching out in a new area, let him know that you are 100% behind him. Tell him how proud you are of him and the choices he is making. Cheer him on as he chooses new options and let him know that you know he can do it.

Is there something that you can do today to love, respect and support your husband?


Anne said...

Great post!

Thanks for the suggestions...

Marilyn said...

"Pearls".....what a wonderful way to honor your husband by taking the time to write a lovely....and like this!

I know God will bless you for doing this! I saw many ways that I can probably improve my relationship with my own husband.


Marilyn in Mississippi

Sharon said...

This is a good post, I know I can relate.. I guess you could say "been there done that" I learned some years back. I know that is why we get along so well.
I learned not to push his buttons, and I know what they are, and vise-versa. It wasn't easy at first, I didn't think we were going to make it. But yes it all boils down to respect, respecting one another.

He also learned as well. Good Post, there are so many people out there that really need to read this.
Have a great weekend

MrsProverbs31 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MrsProverbs31 said...

What a list of challenges for me. I am overwhelmed with all the responsibilities, we, women face. And yet, so many women are doing so well. I am certainly not one of them. But, I'm working on it. I am comforted by the fact that He is not finished with me.

Thank you for sharing.

Maggie - Mom of Six said...

I just recently completely changed the way I do things where my husband is concerned. Not an easy task after almost 23 years but the "rewards" have been awesome. This is a man that has always put his needs above all else and has suddenly let go of some things for him in order to find ways to spend time with his family. This is not just coincidence, it is a result of me following God's lead and putting my priorities where they need to be. God, husband, family....etc. Thanks for your post.

tiggerdaisy said...

Love it! I'm all about respecting, loving and honoring my husband. Although I don't always succeed, I do love being the wife God created me to be! Thanks for the lesson!

Prayers and blessings,

Natalie Jackson said...

I used to shut Shawn down when he came up with new things he wanted to do because I was scared. Now I try supporting him more. Right now he is a cabinet maker, but where we live people don't want cabinets. So he is thinking about getting a totally different job, but it cost a lot to get training. I am scared becuase we have made so many decisions because of fear or the people need an answer. I want to support him in this decision, but I don't want us to make a wrong decision again. What do I do?

LeAnn said...

Every time I hear someone complaining about their husbands it breaks my heart. What I wouldn't give to hear my husband snore all night! You have just given your husband an amazing gift! You go girl!!!

Hey - you've been "tagged." Just go to for your instruction! Just smile!


Renee Swope said...

This is a powerful post! I am going to look for ways to take what you've written and love on JJ really well while we're on vacation. Life has been so busy this summer than I haven't been intentional like I know God wants me to be. We leave tomorrow for FL for a few days to see his parents so we'll have lots of time together.

I have been thinking about you so much lately. I am so sorry I haven't been by to visit or emailed recently. I've had a great summer with my boys but boy has it cut into my time to visit blogs and stay in touch with friends. I still have all your cards and prayers so I thank God for you often. I just wanted you to know that you are in my heart and thoughts even though you may not always know it.

Hugs and prayers for you and your husband's job!